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Hilarious, Wrong, or Awkward Massage Stories: Slippery Stones

Friends, things are weird everywhere, and I can only post so many "inspirational, we're all in this together" things before I get annoyed with myself.

SO! With details rearranged and some people made from a composite of several, these stories are at least MOSTLY true. The basics are real, but obviously, to protect privacy of everybody involved, yadda yadda, you get the point.

SLIPPERY STONES

I was in my first couple of weeks as a Licensed Massage Therapist. I had done the requisite (and super brief) training on hot stone massages, and lo and behold, there on my schedule was a 90-minute Hot Stone Massage.

Image: Woman lying face down with massage stones on her back.

Eep.

Ok. I knew the rules: Keep the stones at the correct temperature. Use lots of lotion or oil so they glide well, check in with the client, and never leave a stone in place for longer than my own hands could tolerate the heat (that last one is my own personal guideline -- I never just leave a stone on a person).

What didn't I realize?

When a hot, smooth stone is really well lubricated, that sucker is SLIPPERY.

And when it's hot? It's even harder to keep hold of.

Imagine if you will my client, lying face-down on the table, blissfully ensconced in warmed sheets and blankets, feeling me gliding the large (maybe 4 or 5 inches across), heavy hot stones across his upper back. Lovely!

But I wanted to rearrange something, so I balanced the two large oval stones in one hand while uncovering the other shoulder. My stone-full hand moved through the air maybe 6 inches above the vulnerable noggin of a sleeping person.